Hey guys! I hope you all are having a great and prosperous weekend! Today's post are just some of my thoughts.. And just where I am today after the death of my loved one..
Today's post is all about "how do I go on living after the death of someone you love?".. And two months in after my loved one's death, I am still asking myself that question.. But guess what? Here we are two months past.. And I'm still living.. I'm still going to work everyday.. I'm still living in the same house that we were building our life together in.. I'm still HERE! He's not, but I am.. And I have to sometimes make myself get out of bed and LIVE...
I think that I am doing better.. I'm not crying every day anymore.. I am making myself get out of the house other than work and talk to people.. There for a while, I was closing myself in.. Even from my family who were just trying to help me. But they also know that I am one of these people that like to be alone when something likes this happens.. I don't like people to see me cry.. I don't like others to see me hurting.. And I don't know why.. There really is no sense in being so stubborn.. lol..
Anyways, there is LIFE after DEATH.. At first it is very hard.. The house is so empty.. and quiet.. The person that I love is not sitting there on the couch playing his guitar, smiling at me.. He is gone.. And I think I have been doing a good job so far facing things.. There are times when I get mad at him.. (like it's his fault he's dead) for leaving me. There are times when I am so sad that I just want to lay in the bed and wallow in my feelings.. There are times when I can smile at a memory or picture of him.. And the times when I just play the song over and over and cry.. The song that he used to sing to me and dedicate to me.. But I am happy that we "had" a song.. We had many songs actually..
Death is a part of life.. It is a sad part of life, but it is also a teacher!! It has really opened my eyes to how much I took him for granted.. I took for granted that he would be there for me forever.. I took for granted that he loved me as much as he did.. I took for granted so many things.. And I left so many things unsaid.. And I have to live with that..
But you don't!! If you take anything from this blog post, take this.. Love the person that you are with!! Love them with your whole heart!! Give them that love freely.. Be kind to each other.. Be compassionate.. Be loving!! Tell them you love them as much as you possibly can... And LET them love you!!
Sure you are going to argue now and then, but that is just another form of communicating.. Just watch the words that you use with each other.. Because sometimes words are more hurtful than a slap in the face.. Just realize what you have in your life.. You have someone there with you that loves YOU FOR YOU!! That loves the person that you are.. Not just the physical attributes that you possess.. but loves your very soul.. Love them back! Show them with your actions, not just your words..
There are so many things that I would love to go back and do over.. Especially in my actions.. But I can't.. But I can learn from my mistakes.. And do the very best I can to move on.. I sometimes feel like moving on is a betrayal to him.. But I don't think he would want me living here on Earth being sad everyday for him.. I think he would want me to be happy... Well I know he would want me to be happy..
I was so lucky in this life to have someone that loved me with his whole heart.. And really did show me that he loved me.. He lived everyday like it was his last.. He has so many friends and people that come up to me with so many wonderful memories of the times that they had with him.. He left a lasting impression on this world.. I just hope that when I die, that someone somewhere can say that about me..
Death has taught me how fragile life really is.. And to stop being so stubborn.. Stop hiding your feelings from people.. Just to be YOU.. Let others see the real you.. Don't be someone that your not.. And LOVE the person that God created you to be.. Show kindness to people that are less fortunate than you! Help them if possible.. Show compassion to others.. Smile at the world!!! Let the little petty things that really don't make a damn GO!!! It's so not worth it..
Life goes on.. And we have to go on with it.. Life is so precious and short.. Make your days count.. Spread love and kindness to as many people as you can.. You never know who's day you may brighten... I hope you all are having a wonderful day out there in cyberland.. And are LIVING to the best of your ability...
Love & hugs to you all...
Believe it or not, I am going out with a friend tonight.. Just to get me out of this house and hopefully to be able to smile and forget things for awhile.. Don't take life for granted.. It is so precious!!
As always,
xoxo
Amy
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